[Journal Entry] Reaching A New Level Of Focus
In one week I'll be competing at the US International Kuo Shu Championship Tournament in Hunt Valley, MD. 3 months of preparation and hard work will all come down to that day.
Last year when I was training for the Nu Tang Dynasty tournament in New York I was definitely a rookie, and it showed. My training and preparation were good, but not great. My focus was good, but not great. My confidence was good, but not great. The day of the tournament as I was in line to go up and perform, I was focused but also overwhelmed. I had never been on that type of stage before. All of my years of dancing and performing helped, but this was different. I didn't have a team up there with me. There was no one else to take any of the attention away from me. This time, for the first time, all eyes were solely on me. And it scared me. Part of me felt like I didn't belong. I was competing against martial artists who have been doing this for years, and here I am 8 months into my training as a Wushu/Kung Fu student. I kept telling myself to stop comparing and to just do my best. And I did. But my best wasn't enough. I made it to the Semi-Finals but not the Finals. After speaking to one of the judges afterwards, he said I had issues with some technical stuff here and there but the biggest knock against me was my energy and stamina. It wasn't where it needed to be. And the worst part is, I knew it was true. I knew that even though I worked hard to train and prepare, I didn't work my hardest. I let my doubts about myself hold me back. But what happened at Nu Tang Dynasty might have been the best thing for me. I took it as a lesson. Next time, there would be no more holding back, no more laziness, no more doubting myself.
When all of us at the school began training for Kuo Shu at the beginning of May, I not only started to go max energy during classes but I also started changing up my diet and eating healthier. Nothing drastic at first, but with each passing week I would make it more and more strict. Then for the month of July I made it a very clean diet with very strict rules. To help with energy I started to take a pre-workout to help me train harder. I really pushed the limits on what I could do. I made it a goal to have a 540 tornado kick down so I could use it in my forms. I had to make sure my jumping outside kick was a lot better and not a liability anymore. Lower stances. Opening my shoulders. Moving faster. Jumping higher. Putting more power. Screaming even louder. I needed to improve myself in every way possible. I've never been this focused in my life. There's hardly a second of every day that I'm not thinking about this tournament or going over my forms in my head.
I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know whether or not I'll place in any of my divisions. But what I do know is that I'll have no regrets. I know I've done my absolute best to train and prepare myself this time. I didn't hold back. I didn't doubt myself. I'm no longer thinking like a rookie, but like someone who deserves to be there.
At my Lola's (Grandma's) funeral I told her that I would dedicate all of this to her, and I asked her to give me the strength and discipline I needed. She might not be physically here anymore, but she's definitely still with me. I can feel her in my heart every time I need that extra push. I just hope that this time next week I can make her proud.
I've got one week left... but I'm not scared anymore. I'm focused.
Last year when I was training for the Nu Tang Dynasty tournament in New York I was definitely a rookie, and it showed. My training and preparation were good, but not great. My focus was good, but not great. My confidence was good, but not great. The day of the tournament as I was in line to go up and perform, I was focused but also overwhelmed. I had never been on that type of stage before. All of my years of dancing and performing helped, but this was different. I didn't have a team up there with me. There was no one else to take any of the attention away from me. This time, for the first time, all eyes were solely on me. And it scared me. Part of me felt like I didn't belong. I was competing against martial artists who have been doing this for years, and here I am 8 months into my training as a Wushu/Kung Fu student. I kept telling myself to stop comparing and to just do my best. And I did. But my best wasn't enough. I made it to the Semi-Finals but not the Finals. After speaking to one of the judges afterwards, he said I had issues with some technical stuff here and there but the biggest knock against me was my energy and stamina. It wasn't where it needed to be. And the worst part is, I knew it was true. I knew that even though I worked hard to train and prepare, I didn't work my hardest. I let my doubts about myself hold me back. But what happened at Nu Tang Dynasty might have been the best thing for me. I took it as a lesson. Next time, there would be no more holding back, no more laziness, no more doubting myself.
When all of us at the school began training for Kuo Shu at the beginning of May, I not only started to go max energy during classes but I also started changing up my diet and eating healthier. Nothing drastic at first, but with each passing week I would make it more and more strict. Then for the month of July I made it a very clean diet with very strict rules. To help with energy I started to take a pre-workout to help me train harder. I really pushed the limits on what I could do. I made it a goal to have a 540 tornado kick down so I could use it in my forms. I had to make sure my jumping outside kick was a lot better and not a liability anymore. Lower stances. Opening my shoulders. Moving faster. Jumping higher. Putting more power. Screaming even louder. I needed to improve myself in every way possible. I've never been this focused in my life. There's hardly a second of every day that I'm not thinking about this tournament or going over my forms in my head.
I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know whether or not I'll place in any of my divisions. But what I do know is that I'll have no regrets. I know I've done my absolute best to train and prepare myself this time. I didn't hold back. I didn't doubt myself. I'm no longer thinking like a rookie, but like someone who deserves to be there.
At my Lola's (Grandma's) funeral I told her that I would dedicate all of this to her, and I asked her to give me the strength and discipline I needed. She might not be physically here anymore, but she's definitely still with me. I can feel her in my heart every time I need that extra push. I just hope that this time next week I can make her proud.
I've got one week left... but I'm not scared anymore. I'm focused.
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